The Dating Game
So I think this will be the power behind my next book. Here's a preview. I believe it will called something like, How to organize your men.
As soon as I hit mid forties, I realized that organization was the key to the game. Names became too personal for me, and for many, the experience was short lived. So to keep things nice and tidy, I named them by the event that we met. I'm sure some of you ladies can relate to these men...
MOVIE GUY
Movie guy and I met (ok, laughing permitted, I understand, really I do) on a dating site. At first it was emails, and texts, then we advanced to msn. Although movie guy and I spoke on msn before we met, he was named movie guy because that was the first time we actually saw each other. Our first date.
On msn, movie guy has a great personality, except for one minor issue. Movie guy began by talking about his 9 inch penis. Numerous requests of "do you want to see it?" and me laughing... because I'm not sure if he really is 46 or 16... News flash... I know what they look like... His dick isn't going to be what makes me want the whole package.
He scared me once. We were on webcam talking about soccer (in between talking about his anaconda and how I should still see it...) and how his favorite team is Manchester United. He tells me how many things he has of theirs and wants to show me. He disappears. As I'm waiting I'm expecting him to come back naked. Expecting - not wanting - I know how much he wants me to see his anaconda!! So I'm sitting there with my eyes half closed and holding my breath. (OK, so maybe a small part of me was wanting to see it, but it`s not important to me! lol) He returns and a huge sigh of relief escapes my mouth. He's dressed in a manu t-shirt, hat and scarf. But.... he's wearing boxers. yes the snake is still covered! But then he starts dancing.... and his snake is running wild and free in his shorts. Yes ladies, there is no doubt in my mind that the snake is present and accounted for! I'm rolling on the floor with laughter. This guy is funny. So I make the plunge and agree to a date.
Date night begins with me being late. I was supposed to be there at 4. Kim's best comment was what kind of date starts at 4? Isn't that a bit early?? I figured we would go to dinner first - that's why 4... But as usual, I'm running late. I text him saying I'll be there at 5. I almost had to bring Kim and Santana with me because I couldn't get Abdi's car to to up there. I had to drop off other kids first and I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I'm supposed to meet him at Sunridge. On a good day, 40 minutes from where I live. It's a Tuesday and it's rush hour. I finally get Abdi's car - sorry no kids on this date. I text him.. He's there super early, and I'm texting him that I will still be late, so he goes back home. I text him when I'm there. I find a seat in front of sport chek and watch some BBC. He gets there and he's as cute as he is on msn. Except he's about an inch taller than me... :(
I had a gift card from Sport Chek that I needed to spend, so we went in and headed straight to the soccer area. A lot of fun teasing about manu and chelsea, and trying on jackets and hoodies, looking at the most expensive boots and wanting to try them on. A few pictures are being taken between us, and it's starting out to be an alright night. I like him. I came out with a new Chelsea jacket and he bought a manu hoodie.
It's time for the movie - but, no dinner. I was hungry, so I figured popcorn at the theatre. Second surprise of the night, (First surprise was his height, I`m dreamy about taller men, but I won`t judge...) we went to the cheap theatre. Hmmm... OK, he's cautious, doesn't know if I'm worth a full price movie?? Maybe... it's ok, movies are expensive now, so I'm not totally disappointed. He pays $2.50 for each ticket... half price Tuesdays at the cheap theatre, are $2.50. Wow, smart cheap guy. Still hungry... head over to the concession and he wants a pop. I asked him if we could get popcorn, and he said ok, but seemed really hesitant. The popcorn and pop was cheap too, but he didn't have enough money. I didn't have any change on me, so he went to the car to get some more change. He came back with just enough money for the two pops with a little left over, and he still almost insisted we don't want the popcorn. Man... this guy is almost embarassing me. I was getting frustrated and almost went to the ATM to take money out so I could get some popcorn! He's like, no it's ok. I think the pop and popcorn came to $7 something. very reasonable, but he still didn't have enough. We were short by a dollar and the girl at the concession put the dollar in so I could have my popcorn. Thank you concession girl!!
We are now in the theatre and he picks the very last row, right up against the wall, in the darkest corner available. I vaguely remember being 14 and always wanting to sit in those seats, because really, back there... who wants to watch the movie??? Only one thing happens in the back row of the theatre and I wasn't doin it!! I couldn't believe it.
Very grateful I had popcorn to keep my hands busy and my mouth... He does the old stretch and puts his arm around me... OK.. and slowly his hand starts wandering down to my breast. SERIOUS??? Maybe I'm wrong, but SERIOUS??? I slapped his hand. He smiles...
This happens a few more times through out the night, each with a slap and a don`t touch... then he's working me with both hands - i'm now holding one of them because he is not letting up. The movie was good, I didn't want to leave... I was enjoying the movie!!
By the time the movie is done, I just want to leave. My neck is sore from holding onto his hand and putting extra weight on my already injured neck. Obviously movie guy just wants a little nookie, but he spent all of under $20 on me, does he think that will do it??? hahahahaha
So I get in the car and he sits in the passenger seat - we are just talking. Surprise, anaconda time again!! He grabs my hand and places it on his 9 inches and says, look what you do to me. Kiss me. Fell it. OMG!! I am soooo uncomfortable. I look at him and say enough is enough. I will not touch it, and I'm not making out with you. So he stops and talks for a few more minutes like nothing has happened and finally we part ways.
All the way home shaking my head and asking how I get myself into these situations. lol
He keeps asking for a second date, another movie. I agree... why you say?? I believe in second chances...??
Again he wants to meet at sunridge, I ask him if we could meet on this end of town this time,it`s only fair, why should I spend more on gas than he does taking me out? and he says no. Again, it's another movie... he says I have to work in the morning, and at your end of town, I'm not paying $15 for a movie.... well guys, strike 2, and you're out. Although he was playing his baseball game, my rules are a bit different.
As soon as I hit mid forties, I realized that organization was the key to the game. Names became too personal for me, and for many, the experience was short lived. So to keep things nice and tidy, I named them by the event that we met. I'm sure some of you ladies can relate to these men...
MOVIE GUY
Movie guy and I met (ok, laughing permitted, I understand, really I do) on a dating site. At first it was emails, and texts, then we advanced to msn. Although movie guy and I spoke on msn before we met, he was named movie guy because that was the first time we actually saw each other. Our first date.
On msn, movie guy has a great personality, except for one minor issue. Movie guy began by talking about his 9 inch penis. Numerous requests of "do you want to see it?" and me laughing... because I'm not sure if he really is 46 or 16... News flash... I know what they look like... His dick isn't going to be what makes me want the whole package.
He scared me once. We were on webcam talking about soccer (in between talking about his anaconda and how I should still see it...) and how his favorite team is Manchester United. He tells me how many things he has of theirs and wants to show me. He disappears. As I'm waiting I'm expecting him to come back naked. Expecting - not wanting - I know how much he wants me to see his anaconda!! So I'm sitting there with my eyes half closed and holding my breath. (OK, so maybe a small part of me was wanting to see it, but it`s not important to me! lol) He returns and a huge sigh of relief escapes my mouth. He's dressed in a manu t-shirt, hat and scarf. But.... he's wearing boxers. yes the snake is still covered! But then he starts dancing.... and his snake is running wild and free in his shorts. Yes ladies, there is no doubt in my mind that the snake is present and accounted for! I'm rolling on the floor with laughter. This guy is funny. So I make the plunge and agree to a date.
Date night begins with me being late. I was supposed to be there at 4. Kim's best comment was what kind of date starts at 4? Isn't that a bit early?? I figured we would go to dinner first - that's why 4... But as usual, I'm running late. I text him saying I'll be there at 5. I almost had to bring Kim and Santana with me because I couldn't get Abdi's car to to up there. I had to drop off other kids first and I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I'm supposed to meet him at Sunridge. On a good day, 40 minutes from where I live. It's a Tuesday and it's rush hour. I finally get Abdi's car - sorry no kids on this date. I text him.. He's there super early, and I'm texting him that I will still be late, so he goes back home. I text him when I'm there. I find a seat in front of sport chek and watch some BBC. He gets there and he's as cute as he is on msn. Except he's about an inch taller than me... :(
I had a gift card from Sport Chek that I needed to spend, so we went in and headed straight to the soccer area. A lot of fun teasing about manu and chelsea, and trying on jackets and hoodies, looking at the most expensive boots and wanting to try them on. A few pictures are being taken between us, and it's starting out to be an alright night. I like him. I came out with a new Chelsea jacket and he bought a manu hoodie.
It's time for the movie - but, no dinner. I was hungry, so I figured popcorn at the theatre. Second surprise of the night, (First surprise was his height, I`m dreamy about taller men, but I won`t judge...) we went to the cheap theatre. Hmmm... OK, he's cautious, doesn't know if I'm worth a full price movie?? Maybe... it's ok, movies are expensive now, so I'm not totally disappointed. He pays $2.50 for each ticket... half price Tuesdays at the cheap theatre, are $2.50. Wow, smart cheap guy. Still hungry... head over to the concession and he wants a pop. I asked him if we could get popcorn, and he said ok, but seemed really hesitant. The popcorn and pop was cheap too, but he didn't have enough money. I didn't have any change on me, so he went to the car to get some more change. He came back with just enough money for the two pops with a little left over, and he still almost insisted we don't want the popcorn. Man... this guy is almost embarassing me. I was getting frustrated and almost went to the ATM to take money out so I could get some popcorn! He's like, no it's ok. I think the pop and popcorn came to $7 something. very reasonable, but he still didn't have enough. We were short by a dollar and the girl at the concession put the dollar in so I could have my popcorn. Thank you concession girl!!
We are now in the theatre and he picks the very last row, right up against the wall, in the darkest corner available. I vaguely remember being 14 and always wanting to sit in those seats, because really, back there... who wants to watch the movie??? Only one thing happens in the back row of the theatre and I wasn't doin it!! I couldn't believe it.
Very grateful I had popcorn to keep my hands busy and my mouth... He does the old stretch and puts his arm around me... OK.. and slowly his hand starts wandering down to my breast. SERIOUS??? Maybe I'm wrong, but SERIOUS??? I slapped his hand. He smiles...
This happens a few more times through out the night, each with a slap and a don`t touch... then he's working me with both hands - i'm now holding one of them because he is not letting up. The movie was good, I didn't want to leave... I was enjoying the movie!!
By the time the movie is done, I just want to leave. My neck is sore from holding onto his hand and putting extra weight on my already injured neck. Obviously movie guy just wants a little nookie, but he spent all of under $20 on me, does he think that will do it??? hahahahaha
So I get in the car and he sits in the passenger seat - we are just talking. Surprise, anaconda time again!! He grabs my hand and places it on his 9 inches and says, look what you do to me. Kiss me. Fell it. OMG!! I am soooo uncomfortable. I look at him and say enough is enough. I will not touch it, and I'm not making out with you. So he stops and talks for a few more minutes like nothing has happened and finally we part ways.
All the way home shaking my head and asking how I get myself into these situations. lol
He keeps asking for a second date, another movie. I agree... why you say?? I believe in second chances...??
Again he wants to meet at sunridge, I ask him if we could meet on this end of town this time,it`s only fair, why should I spend more on gas than he does taking me out? and he says no. Again, it's another movie... he says I have to work in the morning, and at your end of town, I'm not paying $15 for a movie.... well guys, strike 2, and you're out. Although he was playing his baseball game, my rules are a bit different.
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